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Aylsham Quakers Newsletter |
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On November 17, a workshop on Listening was held at the Meeting House. Our Friend Ruth provided the following handout: We invite people to talk to us if they have a problem, Learning to be a good listener Talk in a quiet, private and comfortable place where you won't be interrupted. Tell the other person how much time you have. Be sympathetic “That sounds really difficult” or “You do seem to have had a bad time” can be useful Be encouraging Show you are listening by nodding, and using short words - "mmm", "yes", "I see", "Go on". Show positive body language The way you sit or stand can encourage someone to feel that you want to hear what they have to say. Be relaxed, but show you are concentrating. Don't cross your arms. Lots of eye contact but don't stare. Smile and nod where appropriate. Sitting slightly forward and tilting your head shows you are listening. Listen and look for clues What are the facts? How have they been feeling? What else might they mean that its hard for them to say? Did they mention something in passing which they are hoping you'll ask about? Don't be afraid to ask questions But remind them, if they don't want to answer they can just say so. Use open questions, avoid closed questions Open questions encourage talk and tend to start with “how”, “what”, “where”, “why” or “who” : Closed questions can stop conversation flowing as they only need one-word answers: Show you understand Don't just say you understand, show you do: summarise what they've said and ask them if you've got it right. If you don't understand, ask them to clarify. Don't Say “I know how you feel” or talk about your own similar experiences. When someone gets upset... Don't try to say too much or solve their problems (you can't). Just listen and be there with them. Pass the hankies, but don't give anyone a hug without asking if they want one.
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